The last breath we take

The last breath we take

A very short story about examining our lives as they come to a close

Chapter One

He pulled a long breath of air as he let it out in a brisk sigh of annoyance. His large black rubber-soled boots banged into the steel grate floor of the barracks of the 273rd Flying Fortress of the intergalactic space armada. The quick rhythm to his steps illustrated his annoyance and the rush he was in. He came to her in the middle of the hall as she stood there smiling and laughing with a few other space rangers. 

“I am so excited for you. That will be a lovely wedding.” One of her friends said. 

“Zeta!” He said as he stepped closer to them. 

“Yes Fee Fee.” She said as she turned with a smile. 

“I have asked you not to call me that. I messaged your com twice.” 

“Sorry, I was just telling them about my plans for...” 

“I don’t care.” Phi interrupted. 

“We have a mission to do.” Phi turned and started walking, hoping that Zeta would follow behind him. Her quickening steps showed that she was. 

“Sorry I am not super keen to jump on these calls. We have had the worst missions as of late.” 

“Every mission counts Zeta.” 

“Even that one where we were told it was some vital trade dispute, just to find out a miner had adjusted his scales wrong to make more money.” 

“We have a duty to what we are asked to do, not to question it.” He slammed his palm into the button to the side of the intel room and walked in as the door was raised. 

“What took you so long?” 

“Sorry Ranger Kappa, Zeta was distracted with personal matters.” Zeta said 

“You can’t blame our partner unity on me if you always throw me under the bus.” 

“I am getting so tired of your guys bickering.” Kappa said. 

“You do good work, but oh my how you suck the joy right out of it with your constant fighting.” 

“Sir, if I may. Zeta is still demonstrating patterns of unprofessionalism not fit for a ranger.” 

“Being a stick in the mud makes you a terrible Ranger.” Zeta retorted. 

“No more of this. I really can’t take it. You need to get out on your mission.” 

“Let me guess, someone needed their groceries picked up?” Zeta asked as Kappa ignored her and pulled up a map on the light wall. 

“Here, in the Metallorychos sector. There is a family there that started a small resort and diner for the minors in the near planets to come and relax and recoup. The miners all were out on delivery of their hauls when their oxygen recycling system broke.” 

“Sir, isn’t there someone closer you could send?” 

“Phi, we are the closer people. No one can beat our starships there.” 

“This one seems a little bit more important, but it still seems to fall short of the crazy stories of heroism that the old space rangers lived out.” 

“I know this is a simple one, but we don’t want to risk harm coming to that family.” 

“Besides, we took an oath, Zeta.” Phi prodded. 

“Fine, well I am going to go and start doing the actual work and loading some oxygen tanks into the star fighter.” 

“No need Zeta, you two took so long, we had the crew load it for you. We just need you to get out the door.” Zeta and Phi glared at each other as they turned to walk out the door.

The quantum splitter rocketed the star fighter away from the flying fortress as Zeta watched the beautiful lights from the barracks rooms. 

“Ready for space pull.” Phi said as he pulled back the lever and then launched forward while the artificial gravity pressed against their backs, counteracting the G-force.  

“You don’t have to say it.” 

“It is protocol Zeta.” 

“It means nothing. It is just something people say, but you don’t have to.” 

“It is a rule.” 

“Oh great, here we go.” 

“You act like I lecture you often, but I do not.” 

“If I could go a few hours with that not happening I would believe you Fee Fee.” 

“Stop calling me that.” 

“Then stop calling me so many times in general.” 

“We had a mission to go on.” 

“We both know this isn’t as  urgent as he made it sound. They are only kind of low.” 

“The manual says to be ready at all times to leave on a mission, never questioning the importance of it.” 

“It also says to only shower for two minutes to conserve water, but here I am.” 

“You have got to stop that, by the way. Not only is it wasteful, but when we need to start an operation soon, I have to wait for you to finish.” 

“You have to celebrate the finer things in life.” 

“Please read the intel report to me.” 

“Why don’t you do it?” 

“I am piloting.” 

“I can take over.” 

“Not a chance.” 

“I am not that bad. I just think you like having control.” 

“Just read it to me.” 

“No.” 

“Zeta.” 

“Fee Fee.” 

“Please stop that!” 

“No. This is a simple mission and we will take care of it when we get there.” 

“I don’t like that.” 

“Well then, it will be good for you.” 

“I am so tired of your carefree approach to everything.” 

“Probably because you are jealous.” 

“I probably would be more relaxed too, if I was raised in a wealthy family.” 

“Isn’t that one of those Ad Hominem arguments you call me out for all the time?” 

“It is pertinent because it is describing why you do what you do.” 

“You of all people should know I have earned my place in the Rangers. My dissertation will change the way that we conceptualize nothingness in space.” 

“How is that going? Still on the outline?” 

“Oh, that’s low. It is harder than it looks. I know that must be hard for you to understand, soldier boy.” 

“The intergalactic armada is an honorable organization to be a part of.” 

“Oh yeah, how did you enjoy eating the crayons?” 

“Not everyone can afford to get into academia.” 

“Or are smart enough.” 

“Doesn’t matter how smart you are if you can’t be disciplined.” 

“Whatever,” Zeta said as she pulled out her com. 

“Oh sure, now you check it.” Phi retorted. Zeta stayed quiet as she read a message before looking up at the cockpit glass out to space. She said nothing and became solemn. Phi noticed a look of complete shock before her jaw began to tremble. 

“Everything good?” 

“Yup! Nothing to report.” Zeta said with anger. 

“I am sorry, did I go too far?” 

“Nope! Just keep your eyes on the road. After all, you are the better pilot, remember.” She sat there in silence as Phi tried to think of anything he could say. It always hurt him to see people like this, and especially if he felt some of the guilt for why they felt that way. 

“Can I just ask...” 

“As a matter of fact Fee Fee, no you can’t.” Zeta said before getting up from her seat and lying in the back of the small ship with her eyes closed. 

He decelerated the ship as they came to the small space resort. 

“We are here Zeta.” She didn’t say anything or move. He tried to think of an olive branch he could extend to her. 

“It’s a really cute diner. I think you would like the style. It has a large window you can see into the cafe with.” He heard Zeta move around and sniffled a little before coming to the front of the ship. 

“The docking hatch is there.” She said while pointing. He wanted to say that he already saw it and make some snide remark, but he knew now was not that time. He flew into position and engaged the magnets as the ships connected and the hatch opened. 

“You aren’t going to lock down the launch pad?” 

“We just need to give them the oxygen and then we are out of here.” 

“Whatever.” He had not looked at her on purpose to not embarrass her, but as he stood up and his glance came across her face, he saw her eyes were red and puffy. 

“Are you ready?” 

“Let’s just get this over with.” He didn’t say anything as he felt all the worse for how she felt. Pressing a button, he began to control the small robot arm as it moved the large canister with a lot of mass from one ship to the other. 

“We should check if they are still alive first.” She said.

“I am sure they are.” 

“Let’s say hi then.” Phi wanted to argue, but he let her win this one. 

With the canister still only half into the new ship, they stepped through the port. Right as they stepped through, Phi felt a blow to his face and before his vision could return, a jerk to his arm, as Zeta was grabbed by a large and nasty looking man as she was hurled to the other side of the space diner. 

Zeta stood up and drew her ray gun as Phi regained his focus and did the same. Before they could fire the first shot, the first shot was taken at them as Zeta ducked behind a booth and table as Phi did the same behind the serving counter. They exchanged shots as all six of the rough-looking characters did the same. One by one, each one of the six stepped through the dock before the port sealed shut. They both breathed heavily and slowly rose from their  respective defensive positions as they watched their ship take off from the large window that the diner looked out from. 

“What the hell was that?” 

“It appears that the pirates laid a trap for us.” 

“Clearly, I saw it the same as you did.” 

“Why did you ask then?” 

“I just... Nevermind. They took off with the ship. That would not have happened if you locked the launch pad. The one time you didn’t follow protocol and it had to be now.” 

“If you hadn’t have made us come inside and make friends with them first, this wouldn’ have happened. Plus, you were super off your game. I got hit in the head by something. Why were you so off your game Zeta?” 

“Shut up Fee Fee!” They stared at each other as their breath became slightly heavier from the anger. 

“Before they get too far, let’s see if I can relay a message from my com, to the ship, to FF 273.” Phi opened his com and tried to type out a message. 

“Damn pirates were somehow smart enough to turn off the relay.” 

“Oh great, so we are now trapped and have no coms. Eventually, Hq will come for us. Let’s hope they were lying about their oxygen.” Phi nodded as he walked toward a control panel and opened it up. Well, we can call them thieves, but we can’t call them liars.” 

“You have got to be kidding me.” 

“How long do we have left with two people?” Phi typed the life count into the control pad. 

“It looks like one hour.” Zeta’s mouth dropped. 

“Kappa wouldn’t even think to send anyone by then. Plus, it took us two and half to get here.” 

“Yes, this doesn’t look great.” 

“Oh thanks for that. Really pulling on your military experience for that one.” 

“Well, does the academic have any ideas on how to get us out of this mess?” 

“Let’s see if they have a transmitter.” Phi just glared at her as he pointed to the control panel. She walked closer to see that the long-range radio had just been blasted. 

“Damn pirates! To steal our ship is one thing, but they didn’t have to kill us.” 

“Looks like they must have taken this place and gotten stuck. No wonder they were so keen to jump our ship. They were going to die.” Phi said 

“What about the family and the pirate’s ship?” 

“I don’t think there is any way for us to find out.” 

“Way cool Fee Fee. We die and it’s all some mystery.” 

“It is not too late, this is a decently sized base. There has to be some other resources we can use.” Phi walked toward the door at the other end of the diner and pushed it as the motor whined, but the door didn’t open. He pressed it again but nothing happened. 

“The door is welded all around the seal soldier boy.” He looked to see that she was right. 

“It is not too late.” He grabbed a chair and slammed it into the door. He repositioned his hands and continued to pound the door with the chair. He slammed it, and slammed it, and slammed it. The door was scratched, but didn’t have a dent. 

“That is a structural door, you will never break it open.” Phi walked away angrily and went through the kitchen area looking for any tools that could give him ideas. He tore through the drawers violently throwing stuff around, looking for anything before grazing his hand across a knife and cutting it. He pulled back his hand as he grunted. 

“Phi.” He walked to the door and began to slam into it over and over again. 

“Phi, stop.” He continued to slam the metal chair. 

“Phi, it won’t work. You are now just wasting breath.” He slammed the door with the chair until the welds in the chair broke and it fell apart in his hands. He yelled out one last fighting warcry as his fist pounded into it. 

“No!” 

“Phi?” 

“No, we have to make it out.” He fell to his knees as he went quiet and stared at the door. He lowered his head as Phi looked at his back. 

“Like this?” He said as she didn’t know what to say. 

“That’s all?” He said as he stood up and walked toward the window. 

Chapter Two

He stared out the window as his breath slowed. She joined him on her left. They drank at the moment as they accepted its implications. Outside them, was a large irregularly spiraled galaxy with hints of copper and magenta. They watched it in its spinning shape as it seemed to pull them from their minds and where they were. 

“If it is any help, I was wrong.” Phi said before going quiet, hoping to prompt his curiosity. 

“Wrong about what?” Phi said as he took the bait. 

“Turns out, this was not a simple or boring operation.” He smirked a small smile to give something to comfort Zeta. 

“I am sorry, Ranger Zeta. I failed you. I...” 

“No, don’t think like that. What is done is done. You know I leave the launchpad unlocked all the time. Plus, you were right, I was out of it.” 

“I feel I shouldn’t ask, but you have seemed off since the ship.” 

“I was never the best liar out of the two of us.” “Can I ask why?” 

“Do you mean may? Not like you to make grammar errors like that Fee Fee.” 

“May i?” Zeta looked away from the stars to the ground. 

“I got a message from my fiance. He told me that he was getting cold feet and he couldn’t...” She started to cry. Something pulled at Phi’s heart as his stomach dropped. He felt a deep yearning to comfort her, but didn’t know what to say. 

“I am so sorry.” 

“You didn’t send the message.” 

“I am sorry it happened to you Zeta.” 

“I only wish he could have waited two hours to send it so I could die thinking someone out there loved me.” 

“Wouldn’t you want to know the truth?” 

“Maybe, but I think the lie would have been nice.” They stared out at the stars together as they finally had a chance or were rather forced to sit still and look at them. 

“So, we really will die.” He said. 

“I guess so.” 

“It doesn’t feel real to me. Like a story, someone told me, but I hardly listened.” 

“It looks like the future is pretty set.” He pulled a long pensive breath. 

“I always knew I would risk my life in my ranger service, but I always told myself I would go down fighting until the end. I know I could keep trying to wriggle my way out of this one, but it seems like it is inevitable. The only question is, what should we do? Let’s turn down the air so it trickles out and we have the longest we can.” 

“No.” She said. He looked down at her as he noticed how vulnerable and scared she looked and wondered if he looked the same. 

“I don’t want to go out like that.” She said as a tear came to her eye. 

“I don’t want to slowly fade away. I want to have deep and full breaths until the time comes.” He nodded as let go of the thought of dialing in the air jets. 

“It seems so random to me.” She said, 

“I was never sure exactly how it would happen, but this of all things seems so out of nowhere.” 

“I thought to myself when I get home, I hope I remember to water my little plant. Now, I have to let go of all those little things I had lined up.” 

“Laundry and cooking for for me.” 

“Of course, this then reminds me of all the big things that will be left undone.” 

“Like what?” 

“You’ll never get to finish that dissertation. I will never be a ranger first class. It all ends right here. It makes me wonder.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“I lived my whole life so committed to different goals, graduating, promotions, awards, but they don’t seem to do much for me now.” 

“All my work and ideas are just being left as messy notes on a desk that are not complete enough to be worth reading.” 

“I wanted to see K2 18 B with all its oceans. I wanted to be able to donate and help young people. I wanted to share this idea I had for a film.” 

“To be fair to you, if you put a least of all the things a person would like to do, no life could contain that. I think the better question is, did you accomplish the most important things you now wish you would have?” Phi considered her question as he stared out the window.

 “Honestly, no. I really wanted to be a father.” 

“You?” 

“I know it may seem silly, but my biggest dream was to raise children and give them good lives. I wanted to teach and love them. I wanted them to have what I didn’t.” 

“I have been wondering about that. You aren’t the most open partner I could have, but I have seen some things that make me wonder about your past, specifically your childhood.” His face clenched up as he thought about it. 

“I... I was an orphan.” He said as he fought to let the words come out. 

“I was raised in a poor children’s home on earth.” 

“I see.” 

“Getting out of that life and moving your way up is near impossible. That is why I love the military so much. It gave me a chance to be someone I could never had access to otherwise.” 

“Sorry for making fun of your service then.” 

“It’s alright. I’m sure you got sensitivities. In fact, I have a guess.” 

“What’s that?”

“Rich family, probably parents are in politics?” 

“How did you know?” 

“Martians do a lot better than earthians these days. Plus, you always seemed to be proving something with all the people you kept around.” 

“You guessed it. Dad died when I was little and Mom being the little aristocrat she was, expected much from me. I wanted to show her I could do this, but honestly I am not sure I can... I mean I could have.” 

“You did fine until now.” 

“You know as well as I do what my faults are.” 

“No, I know them better.” He said as they both smiled for a sweet moment of brevity. 

“I hope me being hard on you didn’t give you the impression you were a bad person. There is a difference between living a good life, and living the life I expect you to.” 

“I actually admire you for being as strict as you are. It takes dedication to be a stick in the mud.” He felt a moment of closeness he was not ready for and sought to change the conversation. 

“How old were you when you lost your father?” 

“I was thirteen.” 

“Anything from his passing that you think would be helpful to us now?” 

“No. He died pretty bitter at my mom. He had a whole bunch of regrets.” 

“Ah, I see.” 

“What I get from that is that I don’t want to feel that way.” “Me either.” 

“I wonder if I should.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Did we live lives worth living?” The question hit Phi hard as it got to the core of their concerns. 

“I just don’t know.” He said as he said down on his legs and she joined him as they stared out the window. 

“I guess that is the question.” They continued to stare out the window, admiring what was out there. 

“I think a good life is one that is accomplished.” Phi reasoned. 

“How so?” 

“A life that had goals and lived up to them.” 

“So, just successful people had lives worth living?” 

“Maybe so.” 

“But we can’t control our luck. Then, whether or not a life was worth living would be out of our control. Plus, then it would be hard to measure how much is enough.” 

“You and I are space rangers. That is pretty rare and admirable.” 

“Yes, but you never rose above your first rank and I never achieved my Ph.D. So, either that is problematic, or it doesn’t tell me we lived good lives and I don’t want to believe it.” 

“I think it could hint at a good life or at least be a part of what we could use.” 

“Maybe so. I think memories of great things we have done will help us battle the opposite.” 

“The opposite?” 

“Like... Our regrets. All the things we messed up. Another metric for a good life I can think of is a moral and altruistic one, but I don’t want to think about it too much.” 

“I think it is worth thinking about.” 

“Considering it just for a second, I realize that one doesn’t look too great.” 

“For as much as I bark at you for being late, you aren’t an evil person.” 

“That’s just it, I never could be committed. So much of my life was about me. People were just things in my way to get done what I wanted to. They were a means to an end and my end was to fill this... this void I feel.” 

“I have never heard you talk about this.” 

“You’ve certainly seen me talk around it. Something within me felt lost as it was taken from me before I remember, or in a trick twist of fate, I never had it. Something was missing. I raced through school getting all the right grades, started getting my work published, and planned to marry a handsome man. All of this was with the hope that if I could fit into some mold and do it well, maybe I could at least be distracted with this feeling of belonging. Do you want to know what my first thought was when I saw the message from my fiance telling me he was leaving?” Phi just listened deeply as Zeta began to hold back the crashing waves of emotion. 

“I thought, what would my friends think?” She began to tremble as her eyes welled up. 

“I told him I loved him, but I now see I was just using him.” Phi let her feel it for a moment as he thought. 

“Don’t feel too bad about it, or at least don’t feel alone. I used people pretty good too. Every time I was harsh to you to be more on time or exact, I was treating you like a defective object rather than a person. On top of all the little terrible things I can think back on throughout my life, I also think about all the times I missed out helping someone and making their lives better. I grew up in... Humble circumstances. You think I would be sympathetic to their problems and do more to help, but I think I hated the reminder of where I came from.” 

“Wow, this conversation has not been helpful up until now. It is now just as clear as day how vainly and uncommitted I lived. I feel like I failed at life. Not only do I feel like it sucked, but I also feel like I was bad at it. I never really thought of dying much and when I did, I suppressed the thought.” 

“I found a grey hair the other day.” Phi responded 

“I plucked it out because I didn’t like the reminder I was mortal.” He gestured down to the cut on his hand from the knife.

“How often have I forgotten that I was alive and only thought about living? Every now and again, an illness or an injury reminded me that I was more than just what I did, but something myself. Something that would come to a close.”

“We sure love our little games and distractions that pull us away from that fact, the fact. No matter what, the one thing all lives have in common is that they will end. Death sits there waiting for all. We can turn away, hide, and run, but still there it is as time compounds toward the impending.” Phi looked at Zeta impressed. 

“That was rather poetic of you.” 

“Oh, I used to have a thing for literature.” 

“Any books that you think would be helpful now?” 

“All I can think about is the stranger by Albert Camus.” 

“Fun name.” 

“What brings it to your mind? Anything helpful?” 

“No, it mostly just seems to fit because life and our very random death seems to be so absurd and meaningless. Just a whole bunch of events that happen for no reason until it’s over.” 

“You are right. That is not helpful. All that does is tell us our problem but doesn’t seem like it could help.” 

“Well, like you said earlier Fee Fee, maybe we are at least not alone in feeling this way.” He nodded. 

“What do you think it is like? Death that is.” 

“Maybe we go somewhere, maybe we don’t.” 

“I think everything just sort of fades to black. Nothing painful though so we don’t have to be scared.” 

“Nothing sounds as scary as it could be.” 

“Okay, then we will say it could be anything.” 

“Limitless possibilities are also horrifying.” 

“Then we will say it is either some sort of religious thing like a heaven or a reincarnation, or else it is like sleeping forever.” 

“That sounds better. As you know, I love sleeping.” They both laughed as they thought of memories of Phi waiting for her to get out of bed. 

“If it was heaven, I don’t feel great about my odds of getting in and if it's reincarnation, I was so bad at this life, I don’t know I would be any better at that one.” Zeta added. 

Chapter Three

“Good point, however, I have found things are more gracious than we think.” 

“In what way.” 

“Think of time. How many times have you been in a situation that was terrible and that you thought you could never escape from and then over time it just sort of went away?” 

“A few times.” 

“Exactly. I never thought I would leave the children’s home I grew up in to be a space ranger.” 

“I still don’t get the point.” 

“If time can be so forgiving, maybe whatever divides up the afterlife can be too.” 

“Sounds hopeful.” 

“Now seems like a good time to think like that.” Zeta smirked. “Sort of a bummer our best conversation had to happen when we were about to die.” 

“I think that lets us let loose of all the reasons we wouldn’t be so honest. I don’t care if you like what I say because I am about to die and can’t be embarrased about it. At the same time, I care very much to say what I think, because I wouldn’t want to let it be unsaid.” 

“So have you said most of the stuff you want to say?” 

“A decent amount. I have a few more on my mind.” 

“Don’t worry Fee Fee, I’ll take your secret to my grave.” She said with a sense of humor. “I wanted to say I really appreciate you as a partner. I wish I had said that more.” 

“Do you mean at all?” 

“Hey, I’m saying it now Zeta. I am still annoyed at how random and sudden the premise of our death is, but honestly, I am pretty happy with the company.” 

“Dang you big softie, try not to get too emotional.” Zeta teased back. 

“Honestly, you have earned my respect. I am still dying alone in many ways, but I’m dying alone with you and that is a lot better.” They both took a breath as they looked out the window out the galaxy, continuing on as it had before they were born as it would after the hour was up. 

“I have to ask it.” 

“No, you don’t, but ask whatever it is anyway.” 

“What is your name, your real name?” Phi grew tense and more serious. 

“I know you love keeping the rules and the oath is so important to you, but if this is our last conversation, I want to know you by something other than a greek letter you have been called for a small fraction of your life.” 

“My name is Aiguo.” 

“No way, that actually worked. I got the great Phi tell me his name. This whole trap was fake. I just set it up to get you to break the oath.” She said as she laughed. 

“Alright whatever. Your turn.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“What is your name?” 

“I don’t have to tell you.” Phi grimaced sarcastically as he looked away and Zeta became more serious. 

“Catherine.” 

“Pardon?” 

“My name is Catherine.” Aiguo smiled as he felt like in a word, he got to see a greater part of her soul. 

“Catherine, a beautiful name. Cathy, Katie?” 

“Oh never Cathy. To my family Katherine but you can call me Katie. Do you have a nickname?” 

“My friends called me Aggy growing up.” 

“You had friends?” He just looked away smiling at her levity. 

“Well Aggy, it is nice to meet you.” 

“You too Katie.” 

“What a weird feeling. Almost like I kind of know who you are.” 

“It still feels alien and strange, but also like this was always how it was supposed to happen.” 

“Seeing how I just learned your name, I wonder what else I don’t know about you.” 

“Still, so much. I feel the same with you would be true. A name just tells me what sounds to make to get your attention, but what does it really mean to know you?” 

“That is a great question. I think that is why I was always so excited to get married. I wanted someone to be so close to me and see so much of me, they could really know who I was. It feels a little selfish now.” 

“No, I think that is the best of desires to have. I have always wanted to know someone deeply. That is why I wanted to be a father. I wanted to help develop them throughout their life such that I could really know what they were like. Sort of a deep case study into what humanity was and meant.” 

“I think that would also help you understand yourself.” 

“Another perk of it all. I want to want it less now that I know I can’t have it, but I still know it is what I desire and it is good.” 

“That is a good point. I feel that myself. Should I laugh in the face of my wants to ridicule them into submission, or should I be honest and recognize that I did not achieve my deepest desire.” 

“I think it is funny that my desire and yours have something in common. We want closeness and belonging with people. No matter how far our kind has gone into the stars and all we have accomplished, more than anything, we want what we had before we ever left earth. We crave to belong and to be cared for.” 

“When you say that, I get this feeling that this can’t be right, because then I would have to come to grips with how much I failed, like you said. I would rather reject it all and try to find solace in my loneliness then have to realize my deepest fear, despite all my fighting and laboring, happened.” 

“Your deepest fear?” 

“To die alone. I am scared of death plenty, but more than anything, I don’t want to do it alone.” 

“You already know I am here with you.” 

“Sorry Fee Fee, I mean Aggy, I don’t just mean someone to be with me, but someone who is close and cares for me.” He turned to her and looked into her eyes as she did the same. He saw the galactic landscape shine across her eyes as something deep within him won out over all his frivolous desires as he repeated himself. 

“I... Am here with you.” He said as held out his hand with his palm up as she slowly and gently placed her hand in his. For an intimate and vulnerable moment, they didn’t think or analyze. They simply fell into being as they felt each other's presence. 

“I’m so scared.” She said as her eyes welled up with tears. He felt a strong protective urge within himself as he moved closer and wrapped his arms around her. 

“I am so scared.” 

“I know Katie.” 

“I wish I could say goodbye to everyone I love.” 

“I know Katie.” She began to cry more as he clenched his arms around her more tightly. 

“And, what do I make of all my life? It was such a mess of random moments that lead from one to another. How can I say it was a good life or a bad one when it is too much for me to even bring into my mind's eye at once?” 

“I guess on one hand you could fight to hear what life has to tell you it is, or you could make a reasonable choice for what it is and then just tell it that you chose something for it.” She went quiet and listened as she felt his arms all around her. 

“I am here. I am with you. Whatever is about to happen will be hard, but it won’t be lonely.” 

“Don’t let go.” 

“I won’t.” He leaned against the wall as he held her. Without thinking about it, he kissed her head. 

“Well, my life may not have been what I wanted all along, but it ended up being something pretty cool.” She told him. 

“Oh yeah?” 

“There were a whole bunch of wonderful moments. I remember when I was a kid, I snuck out of bed and into my father’s office. He had this expensive telescope and I used it to look at the stars. It was such a little moment, but such a special one to me.” 

“I think I know what you are talking about. When I lived in the children’s home, a boy and I would climb on the roof and look at the stars above and talk about them. To anyone else and even the universe, that moment was so insignificant, but to me it was everything.” 

“I have a thought.” 

“I would love to hear it.” 

“As you know, I love literature and a good narrative. I always wondered if I could join the brothers Karamazov or Odysseus in their day to day moments if it would be interesting. Would I see the same powerful themes that I found during the highlights of their life in every moment? My guess is not. I think it is a very particular thing that the storyteller picks the moments and scenes for a scene. Those moments were powerful and meaningful, but the entire life was just a series of random moments of one thing and another seeming to cancel eachother out into meaning nothing.” 

“Then what scenes should we choose to write this story?” 

“I don’t think there are any rules. Nothing to stop us, but our imagination and desires. You, for example, you could see your life as a failed ranger and as a father without a child, or you can see yourself as a great character who up until the end of his story still had great ambitions. Now that I have had a chance to piece it together, I am sure your past was a lot for you to handle, but it makes for such a powerful story. That little boy who looked at the stars and then found his way amongst them. All the little random moments of sleeping, getting groceries, or doing your job fall into place in a great big story.” 

“It seems you are going back to measuring the quality of a life.” 

“Yes, I am.” 

“Then how would you measure this good life if we get to pick it so arbitrarily?” 

“I think we need to keep in consideration if a life is good, moral, and pragmatic, but in the end the beauty of that life having been lived seems to do the trick.” 

“Well, then maybe to have the story end like this, to have it be so out of nowhere, is no longer meaningless. I think it could make for a great story for it to end like this, and to be with you.” He held her as they looked at the stars wondering where they were about to go and if it had to do something with them. 

“Have you figured it out?” She asked. 

“Figured what?” 

“How to make a good story?” 

“I think I am wrapping my head around it.” 

“Good. I am glad.” She took a long slow breath knowing soon even that one simple gift would be stolen from her. Their eyes followed every shape of the stars outside, as the beauty of the galaxy meant something to them. Before they were ready for it, the gentle sound of the air blowing into the room had slowed until finally it went silent, signaling the end of the music and for the characters to leave the stage. 

“This is it.” He said. 

“Well, let it come. I am ready.” 

“I am too.” 

“That was a good life.” 

“I am really glad that I got to exist.” 

“I hate to be so dramatic, but I am looking for one last special action or word I can make.” 

“I don’t know much about literature, but most of the good books I have read have a powerful theme throughout the book and at the end it ties back in. Is there anything that you have always done throughout your life?” 

“Well, life seems to be all over the place and there are not a ton of consistencies, but I can think of one thing that both our lives started with. Immediately after being brought into this world, we took in our first breath. I can think of nothing better than for our very last heroic act we make, to be the last breath we take.”