Whatever you do, don't be weak

She tried not to read too far into his call, but she couldn’t help but feel there was bad news brewing. Or, perhaps that was because he tended to give it so often. She became nervous for the violent roll of the dice it was to watch him walk through the door. Would he want intimacy, a fight, to put her down? Her already troubled perception of herself was now battered and tattered from his comments and put-downs. The mental fatigue of putting up with his cruelty was compiled with the physical fatigue of having to work multiple jobs to compensate for all the work he wouldn’t do. She began to shake and tear up as she heard the car she couldn’t use as she had to walk to work, crush the gravel in front of their dilapidated apartment. He walked in as she began to disassociate from where she was and he began to speak. Being anywhere but where she was, seemed to be the best method to not let whatever was about to happen hurt as much as it would. She struggled to focus on his words, but through context clues and following his pathetic grovelings, it became clear that he had been unfaithful to their struggling marriage. She felt some sense of solace and comfort that at least he had attempted to be honest with her, before only finding out that he only informed her, so he could try to pressure her into a relationship with his new lover with him.

If you were disgusted and angry, I am glad you have decent moral intuitions. I was myself, not just because of my proximity and love to the girl in this story, but because I think it is wrong for anyone to experience this. The older and primal portion of who I am thinks a nice clenched fist to his quivering job would do the trick, but I now know better. Still, I have wondered what the commonality with poor characters like this is. When I was a young child, I remember my father talking pleasantly to the neighbors before coming inside and starting a fight that ended with him throwing plates at my mother and coming into my room for more. I remember recalling a word I heard at bible study and thinking that was what my father was, a hypocrite. I have also met many broken and battered people who didn’t come that way from the necessary qualities of existence like suffering and lack of needs, but because of unnecessary failings in character from people that were supposed to be there for them. Like many minds trying to process an event to make sure it never recurs, I have asked what it was that all these poor characters had in common that caused great pain. With a small pile of books, a racked mind, and an example that still haunts me, I think I have figured out what it is: They were weak.

Now, in philosophy, philosophers will very carefully use a word to mean something specific. They will then explain what they signify with a word so that we don’t equivocate, which means to confuse the use of a word for another. So, what exactly do I mean? I am not saying that you can’t have weaknesses. We all have traits such that they don’t fit into what we desire for ourselves, and though we have a duty to work past them, we can’t be considered blameworthy for having possessed or wrestled with them. I am also not saying that we can’t be vulnerable, open, or gentle. These at times can even be the strongest of qualities as we will see later. I am also not saying that we have a moral obligation to have bulging biceps and muscles with clear definition and pronounced veins (Though I am personally a proponent). What I am saying is a very particular type of weakness that if allowed to persist will be to the great detriment of anyone who allows it to persist. Of course, to tell you to not do one thing alludes to me affirming that you should do the opposite of that thing in a double negation. Don’t be weak in such a way that you are in fact being strong. What sort of valuation would I give to this vital quality of possessing, maintaining, and developing strength? I think you should be a capable person in terms of skill and abilities, but more than that, be strong. I think you should be a wise person, but more crucial is to be strong. I think you should be an ethical person, but more than that, be strong. If it matters this much, what do I mean by strength and weakness?

A common paradigm for behavioral scientists and psychologists to use is the model of stimuli and response. You feel the stimuli of cold, so you pull your coat in tighter. You feel a burning situation, so you pull your hand in from the stove. You smell the wondrous odors of a pie so you take a bite. This is a part of the larger case for determinism as it demonstrates us to be mechanistic beings who respond to our world in terms of getting what we need to survive. This is where I differ and find a case or at least a possibility for free will. Your nerves rush the information to your brain that tells you there is something such that you would do better or worse for experiencing it. From this, a desire or repulsion is experienced before the action to act on it is commenced. There is, however, one tiny little moment that comes between the feeling and the action. It is a moment so small it is easy to overlook. This is the moment the will or the highest consciousness someone possesses can take charge. This tiny moment is where I think our humanity lies. For example, I love jumping into the slightly above-freezing rivers of the rocky mountains as my body goes into shock and screams at me to get out. My will is greater, however, and I stay in the water until I am good and ready. This sort of denialism is scarcer these days because of its hearty relationship with 19th-century Christianity, but these exercises can assure a relationship between cause and effect is interceeded by our will.

More than just dry runs or practices at will over comfort, we can begin to see this pattern in terms of valuation. Ethics is what is called an axiology or a gradient. This means that things are rank-ordered in terms of being better or worse. How would you order the goodness and badness of the following actions; Giving your sad friend a hug, stabbing someone in the head, saving someone from a submerged car, starting a genocide, or being a devoted parent? Even if you tried to be humorous or contrarian, you would find that there are qualities to these such that you could determine something preferable to them. From this, we can have a scale of what is good over evil or at least preferable vs. nonpreferable. Now, let’s tie these two ideas together. You feel an impulse, and from that, you get to determine the merit of the impulse and whether to act on it or to use rationalism to come up with a new action. What you are doing is using that tiny moment we just talked about, that is choosing the highest value to act on. In the sad story we would call blameworthy at the beginning of this article, we can see this pattern. In the moment of infidelity, this poor character clashed between the lower value of sexual gratification or the higher value of the merit and value of his marriage. His weakness in his inability to choose the higher value is where he went wrong. The opposite can be found in great characters

My greatest personal human hero is a simple cowboy and farmer who is nestled between the peaks of the mountains of Wyoming raising cows, crops, and his six kids. Every day, he braves the extreme heat and cold that the high altitude punishes one with, to labor for hours that would put any office worker to shame. He works odd jobs such as trimming horse’s hooves to pull in extra money. This devoted father then limps through the door as his back aches and children climb all over him telling him about the cool rocks they found or the fort they built as he smiles and is interested in them. This father and friend of mine is a pinnacle of strength. In the evaluation of his desire to relax and be comfortable, or to give his beloved children the best life his humble life could, he consistently chooses the value of his children over anything else. What it comes down to is, he is just as selfish as the rest of us, he is just well practiced in being selfish to his highest desires over his lowest ones. His character stands in well-defined contrast to the poorer types of character who choose the lower values of hedonism, pride, or vengeance over the higher values of loving deep connections, long-term needs, and profound meaning. Being a great person often is more about the will and control to choose to have more later than a little now. When I was no older than two or three years old in one of my first memories, I heard an adult I can’t recall now say that one should want a better thing later rather than a lesser thing now. This is the essence of strength.

You may think to yourself, “You said it was more important to be strong than moral, but then you used the moral as an example of what we should be strong for.” If you thought this, good catch. From what I have seen, there are enough people who have a good enough guess of what it is they should be doing. It is not precise or sure, but it is enough to allude to where one is and wants to be. I think there is enough talk of that and a good enough guess to get people started, but that is not where the weakness lies. The failure to bring one's highest values to fruition comes from the weakness to bring it to pass. I once saw a woman cry and wail on a the subway in New York City in a heart-wrenching tone. I could sit there thinking about what I should do and how to do it perfectly, or I could just start trying to do anything. I started an initially awkward conversation before using a few tactics to help her be at ease and open up. She then confided in me that someone had hurt her so badly, that she intended on taking their life. I just listened and guided her thinking out loud until she promised me would go home and not do anything she would regret. On top of potentially saving a life, I am deeply grateful I was able to ease her pain. This would not have happened if I had not practiced growing my will to overcome a lower desired value for a higher one. Any good action realized is superior to the greatest action only imagined.

If I have successfully promoted the merit of strength to you, then we are left wondering how we can develop and foster greater strength. I think the best way to do so is by demonstrations of power. To forgo food for a meal, push your body to the breaking point, or labor your mind in thought till it begs you for relief. Each of these will, like a muscle, expand your ability by changing the precedence of what you can do. The most vile thievery from a person is to steal this from them. You and I need a few stories to keep in our back pocket to draw on in times of labor and need to demonstrate to ourselves that we have the character such that we can dominate our current dilemmas. I often think back to training my first horse, starting college as a high school dropout, and forgiving painful wrongs as some of my greater achievements that prove to me that I have the fortitude and mental metals to do what I need. With deep consideration, I am sure you will find your own few stories to draw on, and with real effort will be able to put pen to paper on new stories. From an overflow of strength will come goodness for others. I hope these stories serve you as well as you deserve.

At a particularly hopeless point in my life, I found myself evaluating myself and not finding what I wanted. I had to come to grips with what seemed to be my low intelligence. I felt there was no one on earth that was more of a fool and knew less than me. I felt like a bad person who was harsh and angry. I was sure I was unable and had so few resources to call on I was hopeless. I then looked around to find many examples of people who were all the things I hoped to be. I knew I was not even close to being the smartest, most capable, or even good. What I did know about myself was I had a level of grit and a work ethic that wouldn’t quit. I decided that while I was lesser than about everyone under the sun, I could work harder in the sun than anyone else. This exercise of strength has proved to me how right I was in my concerns over my character, but it has also shown me that I can overcome those issues, and in many ways have begun to do so. My life still has enough qualities that I want to change, but I have a deep sense of satisfaction with it. This is what I want for you. I am sure you have already made steps along this path, but I want to remind you that you are on it. You may have concerns over how good you are, how smart you are, or how capable you are, but if I may share what has been of most help to my life: Whatever you do, don't be weak